Cow Fart Tax

The Obama administration has floated a trial balloon to gauge how unpopular a cow tax would be.

“The tax for dairy cows could be $175 per cow, and $87.50 per head of beef cattle. The tax on hogs would upwards of $20 per hog,” the release said. “Any operation with more than 25 dairy cows, 50 beef cattle or 200 hogs would have to obtain permits.”

Ahh, taxes and permits. That should solve the problem. They always do if you're the government.

What problem, you ask?

Here's the flawless chain of logic to follow, each part building upon the other: The purpose of the tax would be to regulate greenhouse gasses. Because cows fart. Cow farts are made of methane. Farting cows need to be milked, driven to slaughter, and fed. All of that may contribute to global warming, which may cause sea levels to rise, which may cause people on small island nations to see decreases in beachfront and polar bears to die ... which would decimate our environment, cause massive social upheaval and result in complete societal and environmental breakdown.

If you made it through all of that, you can see there's a hangman's noose at the end of it.

The solution? Taxes and permits. All paid for by poor and middle class Americans. Three times.

First, at the supermarket as costs go up for food. Farmers would have to either pass down the costs to you, or go out of business.

Second, through increased income taxes to pay for millionaire producers who will line up for even more massive tax subsidies - the current levels of which are already almost unbelievable.

Then again as beef production moves offshore, American jobs disappear and unemployment lines grow. The only surviving beef producers will become giant Wal-Mart like affairs, which can afford to pay lawyers, contribute to political parties, and pay off politicians for creative exemptions, which certainly won't be difficult with the new administration.

Fundamental economic truth #367: Big corporations don't pay taxes. Ever. They just pass the costs of any tax they are forced to pay down to YOU. You get to pay their tax for them. After you pay your taxes.

The US is desperately trying to revive it's economy. Raising taxes to accomplish that goal is like a man standing in a bucket trying to lift himself up by the handle.

In this case, its going to be a bucket full of cow manure.