A Lobbyist Kick In The Bollocks

An insightful article over at the Devil's Kitchen about the power of government funded lobbyists.

Whenever the government does anything, you can bet your last nugget that some twat from a fake charity will turn up on TV saying "we welcome this move but the government needs to go much further."

The government funds these groups because they help it create a fake compromise while bypassing public opinion. Here's how it works:

1. The government feels like giving you a good kick in the bollocks.


2. You don't want to be kicked in the bollocks. You just want to be left alone.


3. A fake charity turns up wielding some bogus study and demands that you be kicked in the bollocks and pelted with turds.


4. The government conducts a bullshit consultation with some other fake charities and, in the spirit of compromise, concludes that you will be kicked in the bollocks but not pelted with turds.

Result: you get kicked in the bollocks. The government wins.

And if the charity is very good at its job, this will be quickly followed by the fake loophole:

1. The fake charity produces a study showing that being pelted with turds is not as bad as taking one in the Jacob's. They say that the government is being inconsistent by allowing people to kick you in the plums but not pelt you with turds.


2. The government agrees and, having set a precedent, it can't be seen to allow one and not the other.